I turned 30 yesterday. The night before I woke up and reflected on the day before me. I was thinking about how I wasn’t that sad to see my 20′s go… Why was I feeling so nonchalant about my previous decade?? Why was I not sobbing that I would never be 20 again? Maybe it’s as simple as that I like to be different and go against the expected or maybe I’m too much of a realist about life. However, I think a big part points back to this whole motherhood thing.
I always dreamed I’d be a mom. One that stayed home with the little ones and cooked, sewed, and tended the family. And that’s pretty much what I get to do! Praise God! Something I am incredibly grateful for! But it’s been hard. Harder than I thought. I can’t say exactly what it is. I remember my 27th birthday, 2 weeks after the birth of my firstborn, and how I cried and cried as I nursed him that night. I had a pity party. Oh, woe is me. I’m overwhelmed. I’m tired. I can’t do what I want when I want anymore. Here I hold this precious baby and I’m feeling sorry for myself. The instant that baby arrives, a mama has to grow and mature in ways that only motherhood brings on. Maybe it reveals my true selfish nature… Bottom line, being a mama changes you. Your heart softens, you learn to function on less sleep, you have grace for other parents struggling, you yell more, your patience increases and decreases at the same time, you learn to go with the flow and be flexible, you learn about yourself and your spouse. Everyday you learn. You think you have something figured out in your kids and then the next day they turn your new theory on it’s head. Not all of motherhood is difficult…thank goodness that newborns tend to sleep a lot…nap time is a glorious event…snuggling and reading together is a good thing…countless moments of love slipping from one person to the next. I think it is all the other things that tend to wear us down. Repeating the same requests a bajillion times, having to say things you never dreamed of saying–get your finger out of your ____, don’t touch ______, why did you think doing _______ was ok, stop ____________ your brother… You get it.
Many of you have been there before. I’m so thankful for all the other mamas who have gone before. That understand the challenges and beauty of being a mom of young children. I’m thankful for my own mom and all that she sacrificed for me and my brother. I’m thankful for quiet moments and cups of tea. I think I’m kind of thankful my 20′s are past. Those late 20′s when the days were LONG, but the years were short. I’m excited at the possibilities my 30 decade holds. A few more moments to gather myself as children become more independent. The chance to pursue a few more business and personal goals. A decade when I can continue to pour myself into my family, but also have a bit leftover to pour into other parts of life. 30 is going to be wonderful! I have no doubt, there will be struggles and situations that arise over the years, but at least I feel the goodness of age smoothing my rough edges and softening my soul to better deal with them. Grace. Grace that only children can create. Grace that God gives me each day. Grace that my husband offers to me even though I fall short pretty often. Grace I offer myself.
30=possibilities as a girl handmade by an incredible God, possibilities as a mother, possibilities as a wife, possibilities as a maker. 30 is a good thing.